Happy Holidays girls!! - Abigail

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanza, Las Posadas, Winter Solstice, Saturnalia, Zartusht-no-diso, Id al-Adha, Day of the Return of the Wandering Goddess, Bodhi Day….(phewph, all in one breath) I must admit, that list took a little research and asking my family while opening presents. (More like “HEY GUYS!…”)

I’m celebrating Christmas today with my family surrounded by white snow, presents, beautiful decorations, and old animals who find themselves conveniently napping right where your feet are trying to step. But for some reason you can’t help but love them in their old age

Case in point...

I hope no matter what you celebrate, or where you celebrate, even if you don’t celebrate, that today is a relaxing day for you to unwind, reflect, and enjoy the important things in life.

I just may have a gift for all of you But it will be late (which is totally out ofcharacter for me, I never procrastinate I promise…..

I will announce more as soon as I can. But big/fun/exciting changes are happening with our community. Can’t wait to share! Enjoy your day girls!

Remember we can’t do it alone,

“I see beautiful people who are in a mess because they get suckered into ruining what they have,” says Dr.Debra Jaliman, an American Academy of Dermatology spokesperson and the author of the Skin and Hair chapter in “Women’s Health for Life.” Here, we run down some potentially counterproductive beauty treatments out there — and tell you how to avoid unattractive outcomes.

Latisse Eyelash-Lengthening Solution
The TV ads for Latisse feature glowing actresses with impossibly full lashes. But for a small percentage of people, eyelash-lengthening products mean red-rimmed raccoon eyes. Latisse, a prescription solution that promises lush lashes, has some unpleasant side effects, including reversible eyelid darkening, permanent brown pigmentation in the colored part of the eye and hair growth on the skin that Latisse frequently touches. While Jaliman feels that Latisse is generally safe, she disagrees with the product’s directions. “The company says to use it before you go to bed, but when you sleep, you rub your eyes, you’re on a pillow, maybe you sweat,” she says. “I think people get dark when the product gets onto your lower lid when you’re sleeping.” Instead, she recommends applying the gel to the lash line during the day. And those who get red or swollen eyes should stop using Latisse completely.

Artificial Nails
“Acrylic nails are a total disaster,” says Jaliman, who has seen her fair share of bacterial infections caused by artificial nails. A gap can develop between the natural nail and the acrylic nail, creating a warm, moist environment that acts as “a heat sink for bacteria,” according to Jaliman. Other times, the acrylic prevents the nail from breathing, thereby trapping fungus inside. Women may experience redness, swelling and pain from acrylic resins. Worse, if the nail root is damaged, the natural nail is also damaged. “If you wear these things on a regular basis, you end up destroying the nail beneath, so it never grows back again,” says Jaliman, who saw a woman confined to the hospital for six weeks with a bone infection of the hand after an initial infection from acrylic nails was misdiagnosed. “Some patients have these nubbins of destroyed nails, and then they’re forced to wear acrylic nails all the time.” Instead, Jaliman encourages patients to take the B vitamin complex Biotin to strengthen their natural nails.

Laser Hair Removal
Laser treatments for hair removal can be effective — as long as you pick a knowledgeable, well-trained practitioner. People with dark skin must be especially careful, because traditional lasers are designed to target the pigment in the hair shaft; when the laser is used by a technician or doctor unfamiliar with the nuances of treating skin of color, the beam can mistake melanin pigment in the skin for pigment in the hair shaft, thereby damaging the epidermis. People with dark skin are also at higher risk for blisters. “I have an Indian client who went for laser hair removal at a spa, and they ruined her coloring,” says Jaliman, who’s working to correct the problem. “She’s a stunningly beautiful girl with these splotches on her chin.” Though more than one-third of Americans are nonwhite, many cosmetic dermatologists and spa technicians are not properly trained to work on people of color, who require more cooling gels and particular wavelengths and light colors. The good news: New lasers that are more effective and safer for dark skin have been recently developed. “To find out if a doctor or technician is experienced with dark skin, I would get recommendations from friends with dark skin and find out which lasers are certified for dark complexions,” says Jaliman, who adds that the Medlite Laser works well for skin of color

False Eyelashes and Eyelash Extensions
False eyelashes, which are applied to the lid, and eyelash extensions, which are bonded to the lash, became a fad because they make lashes appear darker, thicker and longer. Both can look glamorous, but optometrists have reminded women that eyelashes, while pretty, are not merely decorative: They’re meant [to] protect eyes from dirt, sun and dust. And extensions and synthetic add-ons don’t help keep your eyes healthy. Instead, like weaves, they can cause traction alopecia by putting so much pressure on your natural lashes that they pull them out. “If you rip out your lashes on a regular basis, you can ruin the root and they won’t grow back,” says Jaliman. Some women can also have an allergic reaction to the bonding solution used to secure extensions, breaking out and experiencing dry, itchy skin. “Women should stay away from false eyelashes and extensions, and only use them for special occasions like proms and weddings,” says Jaliman.

sorry if I rained on your beauty treatments parade! I hate being the bearer of bad news..but hey someone had to do it. To make up for it…I’ll give you all of today to enter in the contest to win the adorable necklace and earrings You can find the details of how to enter at the end of my last video I posted.  And keep your beautiful questions coming to askabigail@dearabigail.net

Remember we can’t do it alone,

It’s that time of year again. The time where we consume way more calories in a single night than should be consumed in a lifetime, the night where we are sure that every noise we hear is the boogey man (perhaps just to cling to our dates arm), and the time when our imaginations run wild with what alter ego we could adopt for the night. This sounds fine and dandy….but minor complications are known to occur…First we have to make a deal. If I (attempt to) help your (potential) halloween dilemma. You must promise you will follow my request to you at the bottom. If you agree to this agreement..please read on…

you say:

“Abigail!! I don’t have anything to wear!”

No need to worry. Let’s talk about a few cheap/easy costumes.

1.) A hippy! This is what I was last year for halloween. And (I don’t know if I should admit this) but I didn’t have buy one thing! (It’s true I’m a total hippy at heart..*sigh*)

How to achieve this look.

• grab your most flowey shirt. These days they are totally in style (At least I’d like to think so since I had one) so it shouldn’t be hard to grab one out of your closet or borrow one from a friend.
• Grab your jeans with the largest flare.
• Platforms (if possible) otherwise any kind of heel will do because you won’t really see the shoe if the pants flare enough
• Tie a belt or ribbon around your head
• draw a peace sign on your cheek. (CAUTION: don’t make my mistake and accidentally draw a mercedes benz sign instead)
• braid your hair in two low braids when you get out of the shower then when it dries let it out. It will make your hair have a slight natural wave. Or go with the stick straight look by using a straightener.
• complete the look by uttering stereotypical phrases such as “groovy”

2.) Go to claire’s! There is one in almost every city. I was there today and saw that they have a lady gaga hair bow, and lots of ears! So lets go with the animal look.

• all black everything! (shirt, pants, etc)
• animal ears from claire’s or elsewhere
• then draw a nose and whiskers onto the face

This would be the point in which you may tell me that you want to look cute and not like you are a small child in an outfit your mom forced you in. To which I would reply:

• before you paint on the whiskers, etc do a full makeup application and then add nice big false lashes! I would suggest the medium length. Or if you feel daring you can attempt the individual lashes and put longer ones on the end. You can get the lashes at any beauty supply store such as Sallys.
• You can make your all black everything cute! You can wear heels, with form fitting black pants and a top.

3.) go as an 80’s chick!

• Tease that hair!! A side ponytail always does the trick
• mix it with your favorite slouchy sweater that hangs off the shoulder. You can always go to a goodwill store and buy an oversized bright sweater. Cut off the top so it hangs off your shoulder.
• then (if its long enough) you can some spandex aka leggings on the bottom!
• And leg warmers if you’re feeling daring.

4.) go as a Native American! (aka Indian) Not going to lie, I am super pumped about adopting this look this year!!

• For the clothes think: Brown, suede, eagles … (ok that last one may sound a little random, but I found a $5.00 shirt with a huge eagle on it from none other than Urban Outfitters..so I had to plug my design to make myself feel better about my look) moving right along….
• long feather earrings (if you have them! I got mine at Claire’s)
• moccasins (if you have them.) If not any brown shoe or boot will do the trick
• Feathers, feathers, feathers!! so to make the head band….put a brown piece of ribbon around your head with a big feather in the back. (you can either pluck the feather off of an unassuming bird, or go to JoAnne Fabrics)
• Then top the look off with two low braids. You can stick feathers in the bottom of the braid as well.

disclosure: I am totally attempting a temporary brown hair spray to make my hair brown for a day. I am going to try a small piece and double check that it indeed washed out no problem before I drench my whole head. This should be interesting…perhaps I will video tape it so you can either take part in the fun or take it as a lesson of what never to do. This should be interesting….

Now I held my end of the bargain…you must uphold your end of the deal. You must promise me that your outfit will be:

Classy, sassy, but never trashy!

(Insert venting here):

Somehow girls got the wrong memo when they thought that they could wear various forms of lingerie and stick on some ears and call it a costume.

(ok I’m done)

So have fun!!!

And comment below if you have any costume ideas to share. Don’t forget to enter in the contest at the end of my last video!! I will post the winner soon.

Remember we can’t do it alone,

Ladies,

I write to you with my hand full of $5.00 Rompers and $10.00 sweaters…breaking news? I think so. Urban Outfitters has 50% off the clearance right now, which only happens about twice a year. Select stores/select cities…but boy is it worth picking up that phone and calling your local store to see if they are participating. Bad news…I just discovered two more stores in my area that are hosting the sale! Somebody stop me…!

In the meantime…keep your comments coming in to enter for the giveaway! (Watch the video below for more details) I will pick a winner soon.

We can’t do it alone,

Hey Girls,

Happy post Valentine’s Day!! I hope it was amazing. Comment below with any cute stories, I want to hear!

So Valentine’s day has the potential to be a bit rough on some. And the day seems to be an emphasis on romantic relationships (which is great!) but let’s make this week a time to encourage and let our friends know how much we care about them. Why don’t we make this week Valentine’s day week? Let’s send “warm fuzzies,” to our friends telling them what we love and appreciate about them. And we can put this message at the bottom:

” Bam! You’ve been hit by a warm fuzzy because you are loved! Pass this along to two friends. Find out more info at dearabigail.net”

Remember we can’t do it alone,

Dearest Ladies,

I don’t think I am alone in feeling helpless, deeply saddened, and confused regarding the recent tragedy in Haiti. I wanted to post a message to you girls, but I was simply at a loss for what to say. (Which doesn’t happen often as this mouth is always blabbering about something..but you already knew that).

I then met with Mark and Will from the Grammy award winning group Audio Adrenaline, (now Audio Unplugged). They founded an orphanage in Haiti called the hands and feet project about 5 years a go. Mark was in Haiti at the orphanage when the earthquake hit. And I can tell you that as intriguing as the conversation with them was, and as blood chilling as Mark’s account of the earthquake was, the most impressive part was what they didn’t say.

Here I was sitting with two Grammy award winning rockers, who have chosen to give their lives away in such a profound and meaningful way. Seeing the pictures of the children in their orphanage and hearing stories of the orphans praying in the midst of chaos, impacted me on a far deeper level than any singing melody or guitar note ever could. They have given of their time, finances, and ultimately lives for these children that they had never met in Haiti. They could have easily lived within the comfort of their success, but instead they opened an orphanage and risked their lives to ensure a better life for these children.

I hope that this tragedy can help us find perspective and gratitude for the blessings all around us that we take for granted every day. (”…To solve the smell problem, people would put toothpaste under their noses”) And I hope this can serve as a reminder to never underestimate the positive impact that we are capable of having over people’s lives. This selfless attitude that Mark and Will possess is one that I continue to strive for, and I welcome you on my journey.

Let’s come together and really support Will and Mark and hands and feet. www.handsandfeetproject.org. My hope is that this video will show you a tangible way to help donate to the relief effort in Haiti to an organization and to new friends that I couldn’t support and endorse anymore.

We can’t do it alone,

Abigail

I have missed you!! (almost as much as how I am missing the ridiculously good looking black man in my life. Also commonly known as Toby, my furry 10 lb. four legged baby who is back in Michigan).

Any-who I have been a busy bee creating this video for you. Instead of writing a novel about the film, I want to simply show it to you in hopes that you will take out of it what is relevant to you. As opposed to trying to tell  you what it’s “supposed to mean”.

But I want to give you two questions to think about…(Which just may have been rolling around in my head as well)

- What lies do we believe about ourselves?

- Who do we look at as our mirrors?

I would love to hear your thoughts on the film and what it brought up for you. Or perhaps it didn’t bring up an answer but rather a question. So feel free to put your comments below.

We can’t do it alone,

Abigail

Click here to view the embedded video.

My dearest ladies,

I recently received this question:

hi abigail. I am going thrue a big change with my life right now and i was wondering how u go through changes.

This is a great question. Without knowing your situation I thought I would explain a change that has just occurred in my life and what I have learned from it, in hopes that it will give you help/hope during your change.

I recently went through a breakup. (not long before the video was made) We were together for about a year and 8 months, 620 days, 14,880 hours, and 892,800 minutes…not that I’m counting.

But, more about that later. You bet your bottom dollar there is more to come on that. But until then I will answer those little questions that are popping up in your head right now.

Yes, it hurts and is painful.

Yes, I can still say that I only wish the best for him.

Yes, I have peace that it was the right decision

And yes, fine, ok!…*insert sigh here*I guess I will accept condolences in the form of milk chocolate reeses peanut butter cups.

(Ok you probably weren’t asking any of those questions in your head, I think it was just an excuse to hear myself talk)

Anyways….on to the point of the post. I’m bringing this full circle here, I promise.

This video is a reminder to me that there is beauty to be found even when we are blinded by pain. Let me explain…

I went hiking and was surrounded by beauty literally all around me. (Nature, my family, laughter, the mountains) And it just made me think about how when we are hit with pain in our lives whether it’s in the form of a relationship breaking up, failing a class, feeling insecure, etc. it is sometimes hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In fact lets be real, it’s quite honestly hard to see anything at all. (Except for the black mascara that always seems to ever so delicately pour down the face with the tears. I always feel like I’m in Metallica when this oh so lovely event happens).

Well, the Japanese Kanji for “crises” is actually made up of two characters. The first one is “danger” and the second one is “opportunity.”

I think we can all relate to the danger aspect. Emotions can feel dangerously overwhelming. It can feel like we just may break. But it’s ok that we allow ourselves the opportunity to grieve and cry through the process of healing from pain. We are much more resilient than we like to think. Ok, personally, I think that God made us girls have black tears on purpose. He’s probably sitting up there laughing saying “I have a great idea!! Maybe I’ll make the girls have black tears as a reminder that they are tough like…Metallica! That way they can cry freely because it’ll remind them that they simply aren’t going to break from their tears.”

(So next time you are with your date watching A Walk to Remember or Homeward Bound, you can send up a quick little thank you note to the big man upstairs.)

I can tell you that I never thought that I was strong enough to handle the breakup with my boyfriend. I thought I would come unraveled and would stay like that. And I am here to tell you, that I am alive (woot woot…) and fully intact. And I surprised myself with how strong I really am.

Although this wasn’t the situation that I had with my boyfriend, I wanted to tell you girls that if you are ever in a dangerous relationship that you are strong enough to get out. You may surprise yourself, as I did, with strength that you never knew you had.

Ok now you’re probably thinking “Alright Abigail I get that it’s ok to cry and grieve through the process, but where does opportunity come into play?” (I love how I always conveniently pretend like I know exactly what you’re thinking).

I think that when we are feeling the lowest in life is when we are almost given the opportunity for change, reflection, and to learn so much. It’s like a beautiful gift wrapped in the messiest package you can think of.  Because whether we like it or not when crises strikes (or when we are going through something tough) we are forced to change. Things just can’t remain the same as they were before. URGH!!!! ( I just had to let it out. I feel much better now, thank you.)

I talked to (my good friend/mentor/lunch date) Cheri (the wisest/amazing mom/talented writer/nurse/puts the “cool” back in marriage) today. I was talking to her about all of this and she had some cool things to add to the conversation.

She mentioned how the strange gift that pain offers us is that it reveals a vacuum in our lives that we were trying to fill with something even emptier than the vacuum itself. (deep!) Then we talked about how when something that we find security in or a sense of happiness in is taken away from us, we are forced to see the aching emptiness inside. URGH!!! (Just had to insert the frustration/hurt/pain again for dramatic effect)

So then when this happens we are at a crossroads. And we have two choices:

- We can turn away from it, ignore it, and attempt to fill it with yet another empty pursuit (ie romance, material possessions, outer beauty…reeses peanut butter cups)

-Or, we can look it straight in the eyes, (with our black Metallica tears) and admit with all of our being that there is an emptiness inside of us that craves something more…

And Cheri added some wise and heavy words that I thought I would quote. (Somehow when you put quotes around something it automatically makes it official and legit).

“…and then finally, we can search for it.  This is where it becomes a true gift.  We can stop chasing the wind and finally begin the most important and meaningful search of our lives, the pursuit for what is invisible yet is the most real thing we could experience in this life.  And that is the search for where we came from, where we are going and who we are.  When we discover these things, we are knee deep in the most fulfilling experience of our lives, our spiritual journeys.  Who does your soul belong to?  because the answer to that will reveal how big your vacuum is, and pain will help you ask that question even when you want to ignore it.  That is the gift pain offers.”  (give it a second…re read it..then let that one marinate)

I hope that I have given you some food for thought. I know that I have been chomping on a lot of this…

Stay tuned for a giveaway soon!

Remember we can’t do it alone,

1.)  We all have been princesses. (To help achieve the look I would often use pretty pretty princess makeup. The neon pink lipstick was quite charming and may I add quite shocking as well.)

2.)  We all have probably gotten married at some point in our lives. (May I remind you of sandbox promises, Cracker Jack box rings, and getting lost in oversized white gowns?) I know I got married a few times back in my earlier years. Unfortunately none of the relationships lasted because my dad was already taken and I simply outgrew the rest of the boys about the time I grew out of diapers.

3.)  We all had children. Some more than others. Some of us may have seriously neglected our children when we carried them around the house by their hair, or shoved them in the closet during clean sweeps of our rooms, but nonetheless we were mothers. (Even if they were plastic with wiry hair and creepy perma-grins.)

4.)  We have all tried to twirl around in high heels that were ten sizes too big, with a dress that pooled at the floor, wearing clip on earrings and pearls. (I mean hello, how else were we supposed to get the ring?)

We were girls! We were feminine! And we loved it! But what does this word, “feminine,” really mean to us now? Does it simply mean having our pink facebook backgrounds with girly fonts and dotting our i’s with hearts? (Guilty as charged) Or is it much more? Webster’s dictionary defines femininity (try and say that word five times fast. Or for me, once is enough to mess that one up) as “The trait of behaving in ways considered typical for women”
I don’t know about you, but that definition wasn’t working for me.  How do I know how a “typical” woman behaves? (Heaven knows I am clearly not typical). So I decided to start out on a quest for my own definition of the word! I started by looking at the definition and pondered what “trait” a feminine women may possess. (Besides always being right) The word vulnerable came to mind. Now, I have been on a long journey to figure out what this word really means. Wikipedia states in a plain way that, “Vulnerability is the susceptibility to physical or emotional injury or attack. It also means to have one’s guard down, open to censure or criticism; assailable”. (You may be thinking “well that’s just great Wikipedia, thanks, but what in the world does that really mean?”) Well, ok maybe you weren’t thinking that, but I was.

Until it finally hit me, (finally) about a year ago, when I realized that I can’t “understand” the word. It wasn’t until I experienced vulnerability that I really understood the meaning. I realized that I never understood because I chose to run from it. Every time I got hurt I would put up another inch of the wall but when the wall slowly came down I quickly understood what it meant to be vulnerable. Not by reading books on the definition of vulnerability, or by listening to scholars (as if I listen to scholars on a regular basis) but it was by understanding what it felt like. (Exhibit A: poetry below)

It feels like..

Sweaty Fingers on the keyboard, checking his “status” wondering why his reads “single,” and hoping I didn’t read too far into things.

Sticky cell phone keyboard as I write and rewrite a clever way to answer the mundane question, hoping he finds it endearing enough to conclude that I actually am interesting.

Head on my favorite pillow secretly listening to Taylor Swift on repeat finding myself emotional for no apparent reason.

Wet eyes driving through traffic as I think that my dreams will never become reality.

Limp body as I lay on the couch hearing words that cut to the core, not knowing that anyone had the power to make me feel such strong emotions.

But it also feels like…

Buttery popcorn as I’m watching the bachelorette only to find myself secretly smirking because I know that my great guy is only a text away.

Dancing feet on the cold kitchen floor as I realize even the most mundane activities are suddenly the most fun when I’m with that person.

Bright lights on my face, uncontrollable giddy grin, as I look around and wonder how I was the one entrusted to share this story and play this role.

I believe that when we are vulnerable we must really risk in order to really gain. I lived far too long very safe. As far as dating relationships go I never felt extremely hurt, but I also never felt extremely loved or happy. So I actually found it liberating to be vulnerable and allowed myself to feel more fragile and delicate. I felt more like a beautiful 8 inch porcelain figurine, as opposed to a large stone statue, (Corrny? perhaps. But hey after all that poetry I’m getting in touch my softer side) and a result I actually felt more feminine.

As you can see…I didn’t finish my definition. My definition only reads like this so far:

Femininity: possessing traits such as vulnerability and…

The dot, dot, dots are where you come in. I want you to help add to this definition with your own perspective based on your life experience.

So, I want to hear from you. What is your idea or definition of femininity? Feel free to comment below.

Don’t forget, keep those great questions coming in. askabigail@dearabigail.net

Remember, we can’t do it alone,